Shatter Read online

  Shatter

  Lynsey Rae Uttley

  Austin Macauley Publishers

  Shatter

  About the Author

  About the Book

  Dedication

  Copyright Information ©

  Acknowledgement

  Chapter 1Change

  Chapter 2Countdown

  Chapter 3High School Hell

  Chapter 4Goody Two Shoes

  Chapter 5Confession

  Chapter 6Rule Breaker

  Chapter 7Going Public

  Chapter 8Rewind

  Chapter 9Faith in Trust

  Chapter 10The Price of Love

  Chapter 11Into Darkness

  Chapter 12Rewind (Part Two)

  Chapter 13Torn

  Chapter 14Self-Destruction

  About the Author

  Lynsey had always been quite the imaginative person. Though she grew up in a small town, she often found ways to immerse herself in creativity. She currently spends most of her time working, and her free time at home or at local gym.

  About the Book

  I lay here broken, heart twisted with pain

  Mistreated with words, you think I’m insane

  How can you speak with nothing but hate?

  When two hearts became one, a hand dealt by fate.

  You wretch and recoil with disgust in your eyes

  Now the reflection I see brings nothing but despise.

  Forgive and let live, at least, that’s what they say

  Those words mean nothing when you push me away.

  Forget all that I know, all that you see

  The girl who once smiled will now never be free.

  Step inside my twisted mind, I dare you to take just one peak.

  Hold your breath, bite down on your tongue and read the words within, the ones I’ll never dare speak.

  Dedication

  I would like to dedicate this book to my mother, who has always been my best friend and biggest supporter in everything I’ve done.

  Copyright Information ©

  Lynsey Rae Uttley (2019)

  The right of Lynsey Rae Uttley to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

  Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

  A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

  ISBN 9781528957625 (ePub e-book)

  www.austinmacauley.com

  First Published (2019)

  Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd

  25 Canada Square

  Canary Wharf

  London

  E14 5LQ

  Acknowledgement

  I’d like to acknowledge Joe Snyder, without whom the publication of this book would not have been possible. To my father, Edward Shaffer, whose support has made a massive impact in my life. To my brother, Bradley Uttley, whom I have always looked up to and would certainly be lost without.

  People often tell you that life is what you make it, that it can either be easy or hard, put simply, the choices you make will define who you are, or who you will become. What they don’t tell you is that in life you can never predict what will happen. Though that is pretty much a given, nobody could ever predict what’s to come. Unless you’re one of those people who claim to be some sort of ‘Psychic’ then you have pretty much got it covered. Regardless of those facts, I knew one thing, my life pretty much sucked. You could argue that I’m simply overreacting, or that I have yet to see the good in my life or just flat out tell me to stop bitching and do something to change the way my life has turned out. Funny thing is, I’ve done just about everything I could think of to change it, yet it’s the same outcome. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, I suppose that it would be better to start from the beginning. Not down to the very day I was born of course, but more so back to the point where my life had begun to take a downward spiral straight into the depths of hell itself. I am Vega, the girl who once knew what she wanted out of life, and now, all that lies ahead is doubt and uncertainty.

  Chapter 1

  Change

  For some, change is a good thing; they say change can bring out the best even in the worst of times. However, I am not among those ‘some’; for me this situation was terrible and no sudden ‘change’ could make up for it. Especially since I was moving, it was undoubtedly the worst thing ever. Not only was I leaving behind memories of where I grew up, I was leaving behind my friends. You know, the type of friends you pretty much knew since you were in diapers, the ones who lied for you, stood up for you and at all times had your back, those type of friends. Then there was the fact that I would be going to an entirely new school, full of people I didn’t know, and not sure if I would ever care to get to know. Mom insisted I was being a drama queen, and Craig! Well he was just a fucking prick, yet my mother was head over heels for the guy, so to speak. If she wasn’t so blind, then maybe she could see him for what he really was. The type of man who has to be in control at all times, and thinks that his word is law. It seemed to me that he never cared to think about how he often spoke to my mother, or how his words might affect her. Strangely enough, she seemed to shrug them off, yet part of me worried.

  The worry just seemed to fade away as we continued to drive down the highway, needless to say, I could use a change of scenery. The yellow lines and moving trees I had been staring at, for what seemed like hours, were starting to make me nauseous. Had Craig not been a building contractor, we would have no reason to leave Montana, but– as I stated before – his word was ‘law’ and he insisted we move closer to his job which seemed a bit pointless to me, yet my mother agreed. There was big hype about a chain of Comfort Inns being built in the California area, and Craig was all about hype and money. His plan wasn’t to design the hotel; it was to stop them from being built so the company he worked for could build a resort, ‘A getaway to Paradise’. If you ask me, it was overrated and stupid. So what if two companies were fighting over what should be built or what would be better to build. Why drag me down in the dirt?

  Okay, okay, so maybe California wouldn’t be all that bad, on the plus side, I would get to see the beach, possibly learn to surf and get to see the sights of Hollywood. So, why wasn’t I excited? Shifting in between the overly stuffed boxes on either side of me, I let out a sigh which must have reached my mother’s ears, because she turned to look at me.

  “Something wrong, Vega?” Shaking my head, I simply put in my earphones and cranked up the volume of my MP3. She knew what was wrong; she knew the very minute I was informed that we were moving. Suddenly, I was itching for a smoke, but I’d rather wait till we stopped somewhere then to have her catch me smoking. It was from that moment I decided to channel all of my unspoken anger and resentment towards getting through my junior year. Hopefully, the new school wouldn’t suck nearly as much as I thought it was going to.

  My thoughts were interrupted when I felt the car swerve and saw Craig’s reaction to the vehicle he had just passed: “Learn how to fucking drive!”

  My god, was he trying to kill us? I knew he had plans to get to California before tomorrow afternoon, but I didn’t want to get there in a body bag. Apparently my mother was just as scared as I was, her knuckles were drained of color, no doubt due to the fact that she was clutching onto the ‘Oh shit’ handle for dear life.

  “I think the three of us could use a good rest
, so why don’t you pull over at the next motel, alright?” I had intentionally turned down my music just to hear what was going on, not that I cared, I was just curious. Craig gripped the steering wheel tight and took in a deep breath,

  “Rachel, we are not stopping, if we do, then we won’t get to the new house until evening.”

  She put a hand onto his leg, and rubbed it gently,

  “Craig, honey, you have been driving for over ten hours. Even if we did make stops along the way, it’s not the same as a good night’s rest and besides, you look exhausted so does Vega. She has been crammed back there for some time.”

  Was she seriously trying to use me as an excuse to stop? If anything that would have made Craig all the more resistant, his eyes glanced over at her for a split second. “Are you deaf? I said we weren’t stopping so don’t ask me again.”

  He must have struck a nerve because she glared right at him and her response was not what I had at all in any way expected, “You’re going to pull over, or I am going to do it for you.” Taking a sharp right, Craig veered us into the opposite lane like a lunatic, that’s when the tires came to a screeching halt moments later, right into the parking lot of an Echo lodge.

  “There! We fucking stopped. Are you happy now? Let’s just check in, get some sleep and get the hell out of here by eight in the morning.” God what a prick, and that was covered in more ways than one because he drove like one too. I still hadn’t stopped shaking from the last time he swerved round that truck, and now my nerves were seriously racked.

  Moving the box closest to my left out of the way, I was the first out of the SUV. My legs were numb, shaky and all I needed to set me straight was a smoke. “I’m going for a walk around the motel, I need to stretch out.”

  Before I could move so much as an inch, Craig had grabbed hold of my arm, “Like hell you are! It’s late and your mother practically bitched about how we all need sleep, so get your ass in the lobby, Serah, and wait for us.”

  That was it, he seriously needed a reality check. Yanking my arm from his grasp, I glared right at him, “First of all, get your fucking hands off me; secondly, it’s Vega! Thirdly, you’re not my father.” His face must have turned about three shades of red by the time I stopped speaking.

  He went to backhand me but my mother caught his wrist mid swing, “Now that is enough! Why can’t you two just learn to get along? Vega apologize to him.”

  My jaw dropped; he was about to hit me, and I had to apologize! So, my response? “Like hell!” Then I walked off, sure enough the minute I did, the two began to argue, and people stared: I didn’t care.

  Walking down past the lobby and out back, I climbed my way up one, two, three, four levels before hiding in an open laundry room. Who the hell does laundry at a hotel anyway? Homeless people? Not possible, they would need money. Kids? Unlikely, because they were far too hyper and preoccupied. Cheating husbands? Seemed reasonable. Probably to hide lipstick smudges or other unsightly stains. Shuddering to the thought, I leaned back against the dingy walls and reached into my hoodie to pull out a pack of Newport’s. The minute I lit it up and took a long drag, I felt so much more relaxed. Though as I exhaled, there was a certain feeling I could not escape: Doubt!

  Suddenly, I was starting to forget all the positive images I’d created in the back of my mind to make this new change seem like a good thing. Yet that overwhelming sense of doubt entered my mind and kicked the positivity out like a bad habit. Wonder if it was because part of me knew that no matter how hard I tried, things would not change for the better. Why? Well put simply, I don’t allow my mind to create some alternate fairytale in which every moment of my life is played out till I had happy ending. I live in the real world, and in my real world? Reality sucks! As I took another drag of my cigarette, my head turned to the sound of approaching footsteps. Craig stood there with a blank look across his face, before he pulled out a fresh pack of Newport’s and tossed them to me. Catching them, I rose an eyebrow before I exhaled smoke. “Are you trying to bribe me or something?” My question was pretty straight forward; he was never nice to me so there had to be a catch to this.

  Shaking his head, he leaned against the railing with his arms crossed before he spoke, “No, I just figured you were running low, you read too much into things.”

  Rolling my eyes, I flicked the cigarette butt over the railing, watching the red cherry fizz out in the rain. “Your mother would flip if she knew you were smoking.”

  I let out a light laugh and turned to face him, “You really think I give a damn? Regardless, it was my last one and she won’t catch on, I’m pretty good at covering it up.”

  Taking the pack he had given me, I placed it into the pocket of his jacket and patted it, “But tell you what, why don’t you take this pack of cigarettes and shove them up your ass. I’m not interested in your peace offering.”

  As I had turned to walk away, his hand gripped my left wrist and spoke in an angry tone, “Listen you little bitch! You may not like me, and frankly, I don’t much care for you either, but one thing you will learn to do is respect me.”

  Snatching my wrist from his grasp, I stood toe to toe in front of him, my gaze was cold enough to freeze the falling rain around us. “No, you listen to me, Craig, I will never respect you until you respect my mother and stop treating her like some piece of trash you kick beneath your feet. I do not need you, or your charity, so do me a favor and just don’t speak to me. Alright?” As I had turned my head, my hair had whipped across his face making me smirk.

  Making my way back to our room, I had opened the door and made my way to the opposite side of the room and laid onto the couch placing my headphones on. My mother didn’t question what I had been doing, or why I looked so pissed off. Why would she? Ever since she married Craig, I became non-existent. I could faintly hear the door shut; Craig had come in looking to my mother with an innocent smile. God if she could only see what kind of prick hid behind such a false smile! Turning my back to the two of them, I rolled to my side and closed my eyes. If anyone was going to need motivation the most, it was me; God knows how much energy I would need to get through this.

  Chapter 2

  Countdown

  Moving into our new house was more complicated than I had originally thought; with only two weeks in, there was still more work to be done. The first thing we had managed to do was tear up the living room carpet. Let me assure you, it was nowhere near fun; the previous owner had cats so the tan carpeting was ruined with urine and other unsightly stains. Thankfully, we had managed to remove the smell and placed down new grey carpeting. Once we managed that task, we painted over the yellow dingy walls with a light-blue color which seemed to tie the room together well once the furniture was moved in. With Craig there, the word break didn’t seem to exist, and I was on total lockdown until the house was done. Once we managed to rip up the tile in the kitchen, we placed down hard wood flooring, and painted the white walls over with a light tan. At least it was better than before and in my opinion looked brand new; still I was itching to leave the house. That changed in an instant when I had seen the room upstairs that I claimed as my own. Who the hell would want pink carpeting and pink walls? I could only imagine the girl that lived here before me. She was probably one of those snobby, neat as a pin girls, you know, the ones who flaunt their name brand clothing like they were models. Regardless, I had gone to Walmart with Craig and picked up black carpeting and dark-blue paint, and had turned my room from preppy to, well, depressing, at least that’s what my mom thought. Once I had unpacked all my boxes and put everything into place, I felt more at home. But somehow I still missed being back in my old neighborhood, at least I had people to talk to, and right now I felt like a loner.

  Throwing on a pair of jeans and a loose T-shirt, I strapped on my sneakers and headed downstairs and towards the front door.

  “Where are you off to?” I turned around to see my mother standing there with a questionable look on her face. I sighed and bit my lower lip.
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br />   “I just want to get out of the house. I mean, I only have a week left before school starts, I’d rather not spend it on lockdown.”

  She gave a faint laugh and shook her head, “Vega, you’re not on lockdown; you could have gone out anytime you wanted to.”

  Crossing my arms I raised an eyebrow. “Tell that to Craig, he pretty much said I had to stay and help.”

  Giving a faint frown she sighed, “Well it’s getting late. Just try to be home before dark alright.” I only gave a nod before turning and opened the door, shutting it behind me as I took in a breath, inhaling the warm breeze. Making my way down the street, I had come to the bottom of a hill and walked to the right, staring at all the homes quietly. We moved into a development of sorts, so new homes were still being built, but at least we had neighbors. As I kept walking, I had noticed a park just outside of the development and decided to make my way towards it, at least it was better than nothing. My feet kicked up the cedar chips as I made my way over to a swing and sat down. Pushing off the ground, I lazily swung back and forth, watching the ground below me silently. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a cigarette and lit it up taking in a long drag before exhaling the smoke. After two weeks, the nicotine was a welcomed feeling and eased my mind and body of stress.

  “You’re not supposed to smoke here you know.” Lifting my head up, I noticed a girl motioning towards a ‘No smoking’ sign.

  Giving a smirk I exhaled as I spoke, “Must have missed that; never was one for reading things that don’t interest me.” She laughed lightly before leaning against the metal frame of the swing set. She looked about my age, her long raven locks stopping just above the middle of her back. Her skin seemed smooth and like that of a porcelain doll, though her eyes were a dark shade of green. She wore black pants and a baggy punk tee shirt with the words ‘December Flowers’ written in bold red letters.