Shatter Page 4

  I had been about to give her my answer, until Craig came downstairs, mumbling under his breath as he tried to straighten his tie. “Morning honey.” Ew! Did she really have to call him that in front of me? He smiled and placed a kiss to her lips. What the hell had him in such a good mood?

  “Don’t forget. I’m picking you up right after my meeting so you can meet with my boss and his wife.”

  My mother looked to him, before turning to give me an apologetic look, “Vega…I forgot, I’m sorry, I really am.”

  Disappointment, that’s all there would ever be from my mother. “I’m sure you are, and to be honest, I’m not surprised, don’t even know why I got my hopes up…”

  She moved towards me before I held my hand up, tears threatening to well up in my eyes, “Just…don’t alright? I’m sick of you always choosing him over me. Whatever, I don’t even care anymore.”

  Brushing past her, I moved to the front door and pulled on my shoes, door flying open as I turned back to look at her. “Oh, and don’t forget to jump.” I had then slammed the door before making my way down the street. God did she piss me off, I mean, why? Why couldn’t she just have told him no? Why couldn’t she see that I needed her, that I’ve been needing her ever since then. All I knew was I had to get away from that house, at least for a while, so I went to the park.

  My legs swung in a lazed manner as I sat there on the swing set, silence thick in the air as my mind had wandered off once more. Part of me wished I had just died in some freak accident, the other part wished I could just live a normal and carefree life. Then again, what the hell was normal? Who’s to say anyone had a normal life? Either way, I just wished the pain would stop.

  “Mind if I join you?” My eyes glanced to the side as Al had approached me, though before she could even sit down, I had gotten up.

  “Vega, wait…please!”

  No, I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want to hear some lame-ass excuse, yet I didn’t move. Turning to face her I sighed, “What?”

  Her green eyes focusing on my own hazel hues as she took a step forward, before pulling me into her arms with a gentle hug, “I am so sorry, about what I said.”

  If anything, I wanted to pull away, which she must have figured out because her grip became tighter. Not only did I relax in her hold, but suddenly, I felt like putty.

  “Al…” My voice just above a whisper before my arms came to hold her. Still in the others grasp, our eyes locked for what seemed to be forever, I could swear she was able to hear my heart beating.

  “It’s… It’s okay! I forgive you… but…do me a favor?” Al had given me a smile, that same smile when we had first met, and in that moment, I realized one, single, fact… I was in love with her.

  “What’s that?” Taking in a shaky breath, my arms moved off from around her.

  “L-let me go!” Al didn’t seem to understand at first, until her own cheeks became flushed as her arms dropped from around me.

  “Oh, I-I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking.” I took a step back from her just to put some distance between us. Damn it, this was all becoming too awkward.

  “Al, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to hang out anymore.” The look of hurt on her face was enough to damn near kill me.

  “Vega…if this is about what I said yesterday, I really am sorry.”

  Shaking my head, I offered a sincere smile to her, “It’s not that. I just… when you’re around I…” I bit my lower lip trying not to make this any harder than it had to be.

  “You what?” She asked taking a step forward, making me retreat one back; she was getting too close, and my heart was beating way too fast.

  “Al, I…I can’t.” Before she could say anything my feet were moving fast, probably the fastest I had ever run.

  Even if you did tell her you loved her, she wouldn’t say it back. The last person you loved is gone, want to risk that again: want to be responsible for another one leaving?

  The tears starting to fall as I tried to ignore the thoughts running through my mind, though they were right. I couldn’t love someone else, I couldn’t let them love me, no, they would just end up leaving. God my heart hurt so much, I just wanted to tell Al how much I loved her, that I didn’t mean for it to happen. As my feet continued to move, I paid no mind to exactly where it was I was going, though I didn’t really care. Though perhaps I should have, because the last thing I could recall was a loud snap, before my body had just seemed to fall motionless, then, my world turned black.

  Chapter 5

  Confession

  All I could hear was my name, it sounded like it was muffled under water, my eyes had moved to focus on the blurry figure above me. What the hell happened? I felt my body being shaken lightly, a pair of hands on my arms, as I took in slow breaths. Slowly, the figure above me had come into focus, it was Al. “Hey, hey! Vega, look at me! Can you hear me?”

  Could I hear her? Christ, she was practically shouting at me! “Ngh, yea…what happened?” I went to move, but felt nauseated the moment I did.

  She had put her arm around my waist and helped me to stand. “Oh my god! Come on, we have to get you to the hospital.” Hospital? Why, did something happen? Right, my head hurt and I still couldn’t figure out what happened.

  I shook my head and regained my composure and pushed Al’s arm off me softly, “I’m fine.” Lie! I felt like shit, and it wasn’t until I brought my hand up to the corner of my left eyebrow did I want to instantly vomit. My hand was covered in blood.

  “Stop being stupid!” She had called a cab, and had once again put her arm around my waist and helped me into it. Once we got to the hospital, we sat in the waiting room, a nurse had given me a towel to keep pressed to my cut. I looked over at Al, who was clearly freaking out and worried about me.

  “So…what happened?”

  She sighed and looked at me, “Well, you said you didn’t think it was good for us to be friends anymore. I went to ask you why and you just ran. I wasn’t going to follow you then I heard you scream.”

  I raised a brow, “Scream? From what?”

  Al looked to me with concern, I clearly didn’t remember what happened. “You were running across the foot bridge. One of the boards must have been rotting because it broke, you fell through and hit your head pretty hard.”

  That’s right, now I remember, I was trying to tell her I loved her but couldn’t. “Oh! Well, thanks for…helping me.”

  AL frowned and put a hand onto my knee, “Stop that…You had me worried, Vega. You weren’t moving at all, I kept trying to wake you up but you wouldn’t… I thought you were dead.”

  You should be dead, you’d be better off; it’s not like anyone would miss you anyway.

  I tried to shake the negativity of my inner voice away as I looked to Al, “I’m sorry I worried you.”

  She shook her head and squeezed my knee more, “I wish you would just tell me what it is you want to say.”

  I felt my eyes water up, and it wasn’t just from the pain. “I can’t, Al… You should just go home…”

  She narrowed her eyes, “No, I’m staying here. You can push me away all you want.”

  Taking in a deep breath, I just remained silent. Finally, the nurse had come out and took us both back to the room; the doctor was a bit shocked I was still standing. I started to feel grateful Al had stayed, because the minute the doctor pulled out a big needle, I paled. I hated needles, but I hated hospitals more. I cringed my nose as he injected the Lidocaine above my eyebrow, my hand squeezing Al’s. He cleaned the area with a scrub brush to remove any dirt or debris and had used a strong antiseptic before stitching me up. Once that was all said and done, I had to give the receptionist the name of my mother’s medical insurance and of course her contact information.

  When the two of us had walked back out of the hospital and back into the cab, I looked at Al, “Thanks for helping me.” She chuckled and leaned back into the seat.

  “Now you owe me, because I don’t like needles eith
er.” That made me smile as a small giggle escaped my lips; at least I wasn’t the only one afraid of needles.

  The cab had driven us to my house, and I saw that both Craig and my mother were home which was the last thing I needed. “Want me to come in with you?”

  The smart thing would be to say no, but I really didn’t want to explain to my mother why I wasn’t home in time for dinner, let alone what happened. “Please!”

  That was all it took. We had gotten out, and I paid the cab driver, as we walked up to my front door, I sighed and walked inside with Al. I heard a set of footsteps from the kitchen. “Vega, is that you? Why are you home so late, and why didn’t you answer my texts?” Then she stopped, face held with concern as she saw the stitches.

  “Oh my god! What happened?” Her hands went to my cheeks.

  I gently moved my head away as Al looked to my mother. “We were taking a jog, and when she crossed the footbridge, one of the boards broke and she fell through, hit her head on a rock.”

  I just nodded in agreement, but I couldn’t believe Al lied to my mother, especially when I told her I didn’t want to be her friend anymore.

  My mother sighed and shook her head, “Vega… you should have told me. I would have come and got you from the hospital.”

  Before I could speak, Al stepped up again, “After she was hurt, I had a cab take us to the hospital and drop us off. It’s how we got here, but she didn’t want to worry you.”

  Wow, Al was good. “Thank you, you’re a good friend, though Vega hasn’t told me much about you.”

  She stuck out her hand, “Alana, Shawl. I live a few blocks down.”

  My mother shook her hand, “Well again, thank you. Would you like something to eat?”

  This time I butted in, “No we’re fine, Mom. We’re going to go upstairs and chill for a while, besides I’m tired.”

  She nodded softly, “Alright.”

  Once we were upstairs in my room, I shut the door and had turned to look at Al as I sat on my bed. I really was tired.

  “Damn, nice room but it’s a little…Goth.” I looked to her, and I laughed a bit.

  “Now you sound like my mother.”

  She moved to sit beside me on my bed and gave me a serious look, “Now are you going to tell me why in the hell you ran from me? I thought things were cool with us?”

  My hands had been on my lap, which curled as I balled my fists. “They are cool with us, I just…”

  Al inhaled softly, “Look, if you don’t want to be friends, fine, whatever, but you at least owe me a reason.” I looked at her; she could see I was about to cry.

  “Hey…you can tell me okay?”

  Shaking my head, I looked to the side, “If I tell you, you’re just going to hate me for it… or leave.”

  I felt her hand on my cheek which made me tense visibly and she knew it did.

  “Look at me.” I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, but I did.

  “Now tell me…”

  My heart began to thud in my chest, I just couldn’t find the words, so instead I just acted on how I felt. My lips pressed against her own, as I gave her a soft and gentle kiss; to me it felt like I’d imagined, amazing.

  Al had slowly pulled away, her cheeks were red, and she put a finger to her lips. “Vega… I don’t.” It was then I knew how much I had just fucked up.

  So, I cut her off, “Just go…please…” It wasn’t right, I couldn’t ask her to stick around and be my friend whenever I had feelings like this for her, I didn’t want her to feel awkward.

  “Vega…” I looked to her once more, eyes filling with tears.

  “Please…Al…I just need to be alone.”

  She held a look of anger on her face and stood up, “Fine!” With that she turned and opened my door, and in the distance, I could hear the front door slam shut. That hurt more than anything at this point.

  Really good way to thank the person that helped save your sorry ass. But hey, at least you have me.

  I laid down and pulled the pillow over my head, trying to act like I didn’t exist, that these thoughts didn’t exist, but they did, and they were never wrong. I was glad the weekend had been over; at least in school I could focus on my studies and try like hell to put Al far away from my mind as possible. Though I didn’t much care for the constant questions about what the fuck happened to my head. It was like one of those movies where the invisible girl suddenly becomes, well, visible. Of course, I had told everyone the story Al told my mother, about how I was on a jog with Al, and how shitty the boards on the bridge really were. But eventually, as the weeks had went on, the questions and odd looks had died down. I had gotten a text from Al, wanting to talk to me after school; she wanted to meet up at the park. I didn’t question it, nor did I want to go, but I did. Al and I really had not spoken much in the last few weeks, and every day I could just see more hurt in her eyes.

  Walking into the park, she was sitting on one of the swings. I exhaled a bit of smoke, and flicked the butt before sitting in the swing next to her.

  “Kind of sucks not being able to hang with you…” The silence between us was thick, but what could I say?

  “There’s a reason for that you know.”

  She turned to look at me and feigned a smile, “See you got the stitches out.”

  Tracing my fingers along the faint scar I nodded, “Last week; healed pretty nice.”

  “So, listen. I need a favor from you, but you can’t ask me what it is. You just need to listen.”

  Raising an eyebrow, I scoffed a bit, “Seems hard for me to do the favor if you don’t tell me.”

  She sighed and stood up. “Will you just listen to me, for once? Just this one time?”

  I frowned and stood up looking at her, “Alright fine.”

  I really didn’t know what she was going to ask me to do or rather tell me. “Close your eyes.”

  Okay, now I would ask, “Why?”

  She was getting that pissed off look on her face, “Just close them, please!”

  I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn’t like not knowing things. I felt her right-hand rest on my cheek and I immediately went to pull away. She got mad, “Don’t…just…don’t.”

  Then, I felt it. Her lips were against my own, and it made my cheeks flush. She broke the kiss after a few moments, and my eyes had opened; she saw panic in them.

  “Al…why did you kiss me…?”

  She gave a faint smile, “Idiot…you never gave me a chance to explain how I felt about you.”

  “Because I didn’t think you felt the same… I mean you started to say ‘I don’t’ so I figured to just make you leave.”

  Al shook her head, her thumb brushed against my cheek, “I was going to say, I don’t think this is a good idea…but then again, I was never good at behaving.”

  My cheeks flushed as she leaned in again, this time our lips met at the same time. My arms hesitantly wrapped around her waist, as our kiss continued, it was slow and gentle. Both of us were testing the waters, getting our feet wet to a new feeling.

  I had gotten home an hour or so later; Al having to go home for dinner and I having to do the same. Though as I ate, I was quiet, but I was far from upset; it was a shock to me Al had even kissed me, let alone admitting she felt the same way I did. Part of me couldn’t help but wonder though, how would other people react? Would we even go public with our relationship? Wait, were we in one? God, I just didn’t know at the moment!

  “Vega, are you feeling alright? Your cheeks are kind of red.” Crap, were they? I must have been daydreaming without realizing it.

  “U-uhm yea, I was just thinking.”

  “About what?” Damn, why did she have to ask? The hell was I going to tell her? That I was thinking about Al and the kiss we had?

  “About someone.”

  Craig said nothing; he didn’t particularly care to take part in my everyday life. “Oooh, is it someone you like?”

  She then gasped, “What’s his name?”

  Fuck! Grea
t now she thinks I’m into a guy. Without thinking I blurted out the name of the first guy that came to mind, “Tyler, his name is Tyler.”

  Friday, it was supposed to be the day of all days, mostly because it meant you got a break from school but today? Well it was a little humiliating.

  Al gave me a blank look as I got into my locker, before she started to bust out laughing. “You what? That’s great! So, are you going to bring him to dinner?”

  I shut my locker door and sulked a bit, “It’s not funny, Al, I didn’t know what to say, geez. I don’t think my mother would react so well if she knew I was dating a girl.”

  She stopped laughing, a faint flush on her cheeks, “We’re dating now? Slow your role Casanova.”

  I looked down a bit, “I mean, we could if you wanted to…I mean be my girl that is.”

  Al took my hand and smiled softly, “Relax, I’m only teasing you. Of course we’re going to date.”

  A loud slam came from above Al’s head as we both jumped, “Who’s dating?”

  Al let go of my hand as quickly as I let go of hers. “What is it Tyler?” Al asked in an annoyed voice.

  The three of us moving down the hall. “So listen, party tonight at my pool house. You know my dad doesn’t care what I do, so he bought a keg for it.”

  I raised a brow, “Your dad bought you a keg for your own party?”

  Tyler laughed a bit, “My dad doesn’t care what I do, so long as I do it at home.”

  Al nodded in agreement, “His dad is pretty laid-back, so you should come.”

  “She’s just going to bail like last time Al.”

  Al smacked Tyler in the arm and glared at him. “Maybe if you two weren’t such assholes, she would have stayed.”

  Perhaps this was another chance for me to fit in, which I never used to care about, but now that Al and I were, well together under the radar, I felt a need to do so. I wanted her to know I accepted her and her friends.

  “Alright, I’ll go. I’ll just tell my mom I’m spending the night at Al’s.”

  She laughed and shook her head, “Oh no, I’ve seen you lie. You suck at it. I will tell your mom.” I grumbled under my breath, though Al did have a point; I was a pretty crappy liar.