Shatter Page 3

  “Vega, do you know the answer?” My thoughts turned to Mr. Ryker who was standing in front of his desk; he must have caught me spacing out. Dickhead!

  “I’m sorry I didn’t hear the question.”

  He sighed and repeated it once more, “Mankind must put an end to war, before war puts an end to mankind. Who said this?” I rolled my eyes, here we were in eleventh grade History and it was just the same as grades before: repetitive.

  “John F. Kennedy.”

  Mr. Ryker chuckled, “And what do you think he meant by this?”

  Taking in a deep breath I leaned forward. “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, but if you need me to explain it differently so you can understand it better, I will. Put simply, Kennedy was saying if we as a nation, do not stop fighting, and declaring war, then there will be nobody left to fight or declare it.”

  I half expected him to kick me out of class for back talking, and so did half the class. Instead he walked to the board, “Exactly, and that is what other leaders intended to do but as you can see to this day, war is inevitable.”

  As soon as the bell rang, everyone stood up and cleared out of the room and I was right with them. Hell I couldn’t wait to get home! I could hear Al calling my name; I didn’t want to wait, or stop but my feet did the opposite. The other students were already out the door and I just stood there, looking at Al. “Look, I’m sorry if I upset you. I just wish you’d have told me.”

  Giving her a faint smile I shrugged, “Not something you can just blurt out. Besides it’s probably nothing; maybe I should have went to the nurse after all.”

  Both of us just stared before we laughed with one another. “Yeah, maybe, but I’m not going to think of you any differently.” Of course Al wouldn’t look at me differently; she wasn’t that kind of person. Still I would feel awkward around her. With a quick hug, we went our separate ways, and I was all sorts of confused. Not about how I felt about Al, but how she would see me now, how others would see me. I just hoped nobody would notice, especially my mother.

  The room seemed to remain silent as I pushed the food on my plate around, giving a blank stare towards my mother, who was still waiting for my response. “Oh come on, Vega, it’s been two weeks! Can’t you at least tell me how school was?”

  Inhaling slowly, I dropped my fork, not really in the mood to eat, much less communicate, but then again I really was not in the mood to argue either. “School was fine, not much going on really.”

  Of course that didn’t seem to stop Craig from joining in on the conversation, “I hope your grades are good.” Ew, I really couldn’t stand this man let alone fathom how my mother could deal with him on a daily basis.

  “Top of my class so far. Not bad for being new, huh?” The look on his face just made my day a whole lot better. Of course it wasn’t a lie: already teachers were noticing my potential and wanting to stick me in AP courses. Of course I told them I didn’t want to go, due to the fact I had a lot to do at home after school. In reality, I just wanted to get through the year with as little work as possible.

  “Wow, top of your class? In just two weeks! That seems really…great.” I gave a faint chuckle towards my mother.

  “It’s okay Mom, you’re not the only one finding it hard to believe. Hell some of my teachers were concerned and spoke to the principal on my behalf, suggested I was cheating.”

  She rose her eyebrow and shook her head, “That’s just ridiculous! Do you want me to speak to them? I could have your previous school records faxed over. This way, they won’t have to worry about such stupid things.”

  I shook my head before offering a kind smile. “That’s alright Mom, I can take care of it. Besides they’re just bored.” Sliding my chair back, I excused myself from the table. For some odd reason, I just wasn’t hungry. Then again, all I could feel were the butterflies in my stomach. Just why couldn’t I get Al off my mind?

  As I lay onto my bed staring up at the ceiling, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was I should do about the fact that Al knew I was into her. Would it be easier to just pretend my feelings didn’t exist? Or, would it be easier for me to just, not hang out with her? Either option just didn’t seem to be right. Because my feelings were so strong, I couldn’t ignore them. Then for me to just ignore her? That would just make me…well…ignorant! Especially when she was the first person to even acknowledge that I was new, to make me feel more comfortable in unfamiliar territory. Then again, I would have been completely fine being that New Girl. The one who always sat in class in silence, the one who sat alone at lunch and had never said so much as a word to anyone.

  Pulling the pillow over my face, I let out a loud muffled groan, which was more of a scream really. “That bad of a day, huh?”

  Pulling the pillow away I looked to see my mother standing in my room. Sitting up I shook my head, “Something like that.”

  Like any parent, she pushed for further information, “What do you mean?”

  Oh let’s see, the fact that I have a crush on my friend, that happens to be a girl? Yeah, not going to tell her that.

  “Just…I don’t know. I wish I fit in, like I did at my old school.” Liar! You know damn well you don’t care if you fit in.

  “You just have to give it time sweetie. It’s not going to happen overnight.”

  “I know.”

  She offered a smile before speaking once more, “Trust me, in a few more weeks you will have all sorts of friends.” Really don’t think I’m the friendly type.

  “If you say so.” With that, my mother left the room, leaving me once more, to my thoughts. ’Brrrrt Brrrrt Brrrrt’. Oh yea, I’d left my phone on vibrate all day, but who would be texting me? Sliding open my phone I felt my skin tingle all over, kind of like when you get goose bumps.

  ‘Hey, thought you’d want to hang with us tomorrow night, being that it’s Friday. A bunch of us are going to the shack. Let me know in class. Alright?’ Raising a brow, I thought for a few moments. The shack? Was that like, a cafe or something? And why invite me? Was it because she felt bad about not being into me? Great, now I would have something else to look forward to or perhaps, avoid at all costs.

  Chapter 4

  Goody Two Shoes

  Friday came quicker than I had wanted it to, and yet part of me was excited; then again the other part of me was terrified. Last time I hung out with anyone was back home, with my old friends, which at the moment I felt as if I were betraying them; but I guess moving, trying new things was part of moving forward. As last period had come to an end, I made my way through the halls before stopping at my locker to grab the books I would need for this weekend. Why was it that no matter what school you went to, teachers gave out homework on the weekend? Whatever, not like it wouldn’t get done, I wasn’t the type to put school work aside. Believe it or not, I had plans for my future: I wanted to become a writer, or at least have some of my writings published. It was one of those things I knew for certain I was good at, one of those things I had a true passion for.

  Closing the door to my locker, I made my way out of the school and started down the street towards my house. I had planned to tell my mother I was going to go out with Al, one of my friends, but of course when I did get home, she wasn’t there. Moving up and into my room, I put down my bag and placed the books onto my desk. Making my way back downstairs, I found a note on the fridge: ‘Vega, Craig and I went out; won’t be home till later tonight. Left some money on the counter for food. Love you Mom.’ Of course she was out with Craig! Could have asked me if I wanted to go, not that I would anyway, but still would have liked to know I existed.

  Suddenly the idea of hanging out with Al tonight seemed better than sitting around doing homework all night. Taking out my phone, I sent her a text ‘Am I still invited tonight?’

  I waited for an answer, thinking maybe I’d pissed her off, considering how I never gave her an answer to begin with. ’About time you answered me, and yes you are. We’ll pick you up in ten.’

  Didn
’t feel like writing an actual response, so I sent a smiley face which made me grin. I sent my mother a text to let her know I was going out, since she wasn’t here for me to tell personally. She didn’t even answer which didn’t shock me in the slightest, because Craig would probably bitch at her for being on the phone.

  Hearing a car horn, I made my way outside, making sure to lock the door behind me. Al was sitting in the back seat of a black Van with Tyler up front and some other kid I didn’t recognize. Pulling the door open, I slid in beside Al and rose an eyebrow. “So… where are we going again?”

  She smiled, “The shack.”

  Right, the shack! What the hell was that again? Wait, she didn’t tell me. Gasping, she motioned to the driver, “Kyle, this is Vega, Vega, Kyle.”

  I nodded in his direction, but he just seemed to glare in the rearview.

  “She cool or what?” His voice was smooth yet deep.

  AL scoffed, “If she wasn’t, I wouldn’t have invited her.”

  Tyler laughed, “Yes you would have; if you didn’t, you’d have felt bad for the new girl.”

  Raising a brow, I sighed, “You three do know I’m sitting right here, right? And what does he mean am I cool?”

  My question towards Al, who patted my back lightly, “He just wanted to make sure you weren’t a snitch.” Snitch? Why the hell would he think that? The guy didn’t even know me, and I didn’t know him.

  Though, my question was soon answered when we had pulled down a dirt road and the van came to a stop. Climbing out with the others, I followed beside Al as we moved towards what seemed to be an old shed of sorts.

  “Welcome to the shack.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh as I looked to her, “Really? You invited me out in the woods… to a creepy old shed?” She shook her head and took hold of my hand pulling me inside.

  “Beer?”

  I turned to look at Tyler as I pulled my hand from AL’s and shook my head, “No thanks, I’m good.” Sitting down next to Al, I noticed Tyler lighting up a bowl, the small room filling with the aroma of marijuana; now I knew why Kyle asked if I was cool and if I wasn’t a snitch. Suddenly I became uncomfortable with my surroundings.

  Al nudged me as she held the bowl towards me, before placing it into my hand and holding out the lighter, “Come on, your turn to take a hit.”

  My gaze averted her own, if only to look down for a moment. I’d never smoked before, and that? That’s what made me more on edge than anything. Is this what they called peer pressure?

  My inner thoughts invaded my mind, plaguing my conscience. Come on, it won’t kill you. Besides, if you don’t do it, they’re going to think you’re a total loser.

  “Do you even know how to use it?” Tyler’s words shook me from my thoughts as I glanced up to him with a glare.

  “Of course I do, idiot.”

  He smirked, “So then take a hit, the rest of us are waiting.”

  Even Al had looked to me but said nothing. Flicking the lighter, I put the edge of the pipe to my lips, it tasted odd, like a spice but I didn’t light it. Shaking my head, I passed it over to Tyler who gave a shrug before taking a hit.

  “Thought you said she was cool?” Al shot a glare towards Kyle as if to silence him further before she mumbled something I didn’t catch.

  “Back off Kyle, maybe she’s just not feeling it right now.” She was right, I wasn’t but more to it? I wasn’t feeling the entire situation. Drinking, smoking? Not exactly my scene, it never was.

  Standing up, I offered a smile, “I think I’m just going to go. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea.”

  “Leave it to Al to bring a goody two shoes.” Kyle’s words seeming to ignite a flame of anger.

  “Yeah, what’s wrong, Vega? You better than us or something?” Now Tyler was in on it, even Al could see the anger on my face.

  Clenching my fists, I looked towards them both, “I’m not a goody two shoes, and no I don’t think that. I’m just not interested.”

  Turning on my heel, I walked out of the shed and moved down the dirt path. Al sat down her beer and shook her head, “You guys are pricks! Vega, wait!”

  Even as she called after me, my feet didn’t stop; I was too pissed off. “Would you just wait?”

  Sighing, I stopped and turned to look at AL, “What? You want to say something, too?”

  A look of hurt came across her features, “No… I just don’t get it, I thought you’d be cool with this?”

  Taking out a cigarette, I lit it up before shaking my head, “I am, but I’m not into it Al. I have to keep a good head on my shoulders.”

  She crossed her arms and gave a slight glare. “So what, me smoking and drinking makes me bad?”

  Exhaling, my eyes softened. “No, no that’s not what I meant. I just…I’ve never done either of those things Al, and I’m not about to start.”

  Rolling her eyes, she scoffed, “So, you lied then? Why say you know how?”

  Now she was starting to irritate me. “Gee I don’t know! Maybe, so you wouldn’t think I’m some snitch? Or maybe because I’m just trying to fit in?”

  She laughed, “Yeah, because flirting with girls makes you fit in.” She put a hand to her mouth, knowing she had fucked up.

  Throwing my butt onto the ground I turned away, “Thanks for that!”

  She went to step towards me, but I turned away from her and started walking. “Vega…Vega, wait! I’m sorry I didn’t mean that!”

  Shoving my hands into my pockets I kept walking, tears threatening to fall, but I wouldn’t let her see, let anyone see. This is why I kept to myself, this is why I hated even trying to make new friends, this is why…I liked to be alone.

  Told you so. Now you’re going to be labeled as goody two shoes till you graduate. You just had to be miss perfect! My thoughts were starting to scare me, something they had not done for a long, long time, not since that night. The last thing I heard before stepping out of Al’s view was the sound of the others calling her back inside.

  Thankfully, my mother still hadn’t gotten home, so I would have time to wash the stench of weed off me, even though I didn’t smoke. Once I was done, I had dried and threw on a tank top and boxers before climbing into my bed. I hated the fact I even gave Al a chance, the fact I had even thought it would be a good idea to try and make new friends. My phone kept vibrating, but I didn’t bother answering because I knew it would be Al. Right now, all I wanted to do was sleep and pretend that today never even happened. But I knew it had, and that was probably the worst part of it all. Why did people have to be so…judgmental?

  A faint knock came at my door, before my mother poked her head in. “Vega? I thought you were out with your friends.”

  I was, but then they started smoking pot and drinking so I came home. I didn’t want her to know I was crying, so I pulled the covers over my head.

  “I was, but felt sick so I came home. But I’m fine now, just tired.” Couldn’t tell her the truth. I could hear the concern in her voice,

  “Do you need anything?”

  A hug would be nice.

  “No, I think I’m just going to sleep.”

  “Alright… if you need anything just tell me.”

  I need Dad. I need him to say it’s okay.

  Wasn’t going to go there with her, “Okay, night Mom.”

  God, you really are a loser, and a crybaby. Daddy isn’t here.

  I couldn’t let her know they were back, I couldn’t. This was a new start, I had to stay strong.

  Throwing the covers off, I moved quietly and shut the door to my room, before moving to grab a black journal. I always kept it close, kept it safe, because it held my deepest desires, my darkest of thoughts, it was my way of escaping, my way of coping. Grabbing a pen, I stared at the blank page, before starting to write.

  Letting the pen roll away, I closed the cover with a sigh; at least I felt better, even if it would only be for a few moments. Moving back onto my bed, I had closed my eyes and tried to get some sle
ep, and hoped that tomorrow would, at least, be a better day. It had been the smell of fresh coffee that roused me from my sleep. Once again, the red numbers of my clock blurring together before coming into focus. Eight in the morning, really? Even on the weekend I couldn’t sleep in. With a sigh I had gotten up, and somehow managed to shuffle to the shower. Amazing how a hot shower could make someone feel, especially when they normally feel like shit.

  Clean and dressed, I made my way downstairs to glance to my mother, whom I really had not expected to be awake so early. “Morning, Vega. You hungry?” Shaking my head, I moved to pour myself some coffee before leaning against the kitchen counter with a relaxed sigh.

  “So, I was thinking you and I could do something today.”

  Looking towards her, I rose an eyebrow, “No thanks, I’m good.”

  A look of disappointment came across her face, “Why not?”

  I scoffed and just shook my head, “Because the last time we made plans, you blew me off to spend the day with Craig.”

  Turning over the bacon she sighed, “Because he wanted me to go with him, Vega.”

  My grip on the mug became tighter, “Exactly, because he wanted you to. I swear if he asked you to jump, you’d ask him how high.”

  She narrowed her eyes towards me, “Now that is not true”

  Setting my mug down, I looked to her, “Really? Then why blow me off? What? Afraid he will yell at you because he didn’t get his way?”

  She shut off the stove and put some more food onto a plate. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you okay? Please, let’s just you and I, have lunch today, it’s going to be nice.” God, she was being persistent, and yet, I really haven’t gotten to spend much time with her, maybe she really was trying her best.